Before I became a mother I had it all figured out. I knew where I was going, when I was going and how to take really good care of myself on the way. I had strong ideas about motherhood and health, although I didn’t realize it at the time. There were so many things I just knew I would do when I became a mother. But, when I actually did become a mother almost none of them worked out. That is a blow I am still recovering from. When motherhood doesn’t go your way, it can be extremely difficult to repair your concept of yourself as a parent.
As you may know, I have dealt with several health issues in my life. This transformed me in a way I am forever grateful. I became a more conscious, compassionate and authentic human because of it. I adopted a framework that kept me healthy and happy and fully intended to pass this framework on to my children.
I planned to have a raw vegan pregnancy.
I planned to do yoga throughout my pregnancy.
I planned to free birth.
I planned to birth naturally.
I planned to have a lotus birth.
I planned to breast feed.
I planned to use elimination communication.
I planned to baby wear.
I planned to raise my children as raw vegans.
I planned to raise my children in Costa Rica.
I planned to utilize gentle parenting.
I planned to be the best most holistic parent on earth and have the healthiest children out there.
I’ve had three pregnancies, and two live births and only some of these things actually happened. NONE of these happened the way I thought they would. This rude awakening was one of the biggest disappointments of my life. It has been difficult to recreate myself as a mother in reality. In my mind, motherhood was a glowing, sparkling, love fest. In reality, it is like that sometimes. The other times though… it is more like herding cats, barefoot on a floor covered with legos, on less than two hours of sleep. In those moments, when I am at the end of my rope, I reach for what is easy and what is convenient and what will keep me sane. I am in the process of forgiving myself for being human in the face of creating other humans.
You will see all of that reflected in Alyssatopia. You will see raw vegan recipes for ultimate health right next to a wig review, because sometimes I can NOT fuss with my natural hair but I still must SLAY. This may seem like a contradiction, and it is. That is exactly what Alyssatopia is about. That is exactly what being a mother is about. How all of those contradictions that keep us alive and keep us joyful convene to make our individual worlds beautiful.